Midwest GenderQueer

Anonymous asked: So seeing as dysphoria is used a lot in the trans* community for when individuals are hurting from not being seen socially as we'd like or not having our bodies look or function how we'd like, are you against this usage of the word? I've always seen it as a way for trans* people to articulate our pain, as we feel it, not as a medical professional interprets it.

I’m really glad you asked this question, because in looking back at a recent post, I think I could have been more clear about my feelings on the word “dysphoria.” I think I even came off a little closed-hearted, and for that, I apologize. 

I am definitely not “against” someone using dysphoria to describe their experience. Part of what makes language so amazing because it is organic and personal. Because the trans* experience is one (of many) that society has never wanted to have a voice, it was never given a language. The result was we had to make our own, which included adopting words that may not have originally been [what some consider] empowering, such as dysphoria. Just as you said, for many people dysphoria is a word gives voice to their feelings. I don’t think anyone has the right to refuse a person a word that describes or empowers their identity. And yeah, I know, that’s when we get into the conversation about if someone has the right to use a word even if it is hurting others (like if someone claims homophobic languages empowers a straight identity etc). And for some folks, dysphoria could  be one of those words that hurts them. To me, dysphoria represents a pathologizing system that tells me I am “in the wrong body,” which has caused a lot of hurt for me in my own, continual process of body acceptance and ownership. That is my personal reason why I choose not to use it. However, I don’t feel that someone else using it to describe themselves is wrong or even directly oppressive to me (as long as they are not using it to describe me). If it is a good descriptor for their experience, who am I to say they are being un-PC? There is a tendency, especially in the queer community, to play a ‘holier than thou art’ game with words. “I’m better than you cause I use this word… you use that old word, shame on you…” I don’t think this is conducive to building a loving, supportive community. I think we must support each other in our own, respective journeys. The path to self acceptance is a hard enough road to walk without being held up over semantics. The words I use to describe myself don’t have to be the words that describe you. It is our common experience that matters, not the words we used to describe it. So, to answer your question with an essay, as I tend to do: No, I am not against people using dysphoria to describe themselves – even if they were using it exactly as a medical professional would. To each their own, all with love.

Thanks so much for reaching out and asking this question! <3

A look at African-American Trans Trailblazers by Monica Roberts 

via thegang

Anonymous asked: Hi, I live in WI and i feel so alone at least in my state. thers no where for me to get help i dont think i can hamdle waiting till i'm 30 plus yrs of age to get help i need some help now. what am i to do?

I am so sorry you feel so alone. I feel you, it is tough out here and it is so, so hard to be all by yourself in this. I can assure you that you are not alone, in your state, or in the world. TheMidwestis full of people just like you, and we are all feeling similar feelings of isolation and frustration. Keep fighting, I know you can empower yourself without waiting until you’re 30 (which isn’t THAT old, PS lol!). Depending on what you can do, you might have to wait a little while longer, but maybe if instead of “waiting” you think of it as “working” – working to get to where you want to be, how you want to be, who you want to be… Every day, every action, is another step towards your goals for living. And please let me know if there is anything I can do to make that journey easier, even if it is just having someone to talk to. I am here. You are not alone.

Depending on where you live in Wisconsin, there are a couple little hubs of resources that hopefully you can access, even if only online for now. I put the info below, maybe other tumblr folks will have feedback too. Even if this stuff isn’t right near you, I try to never underestimate the power of a phone call or email. It sucks to not be in the same physical space as someone, but just being able to connect with someone else can make a huge difference. 

a lot of these are listed on my org’s website, http://transqueerwellness.org/, if you want to see where I got them.

FORGE – (http://forge-forward.org/) Michael Munson is the director and he is an excellent human being. If you reach out to him I know he will be able to help you out! Say I sent you, if you need a point of introduction. He is very well connected and will hopefully know of some resources near you. FORGE also publishes a very up to date physicians list for trans folks if that is something you could use- http://forge-forward.org/2011/02/wisconsin-physician-list/

Milwaukee Queer Cooperative  (https://www.facebook.com/MQCooperative) - this is a new group of activists that has recently fired up, they are very active and possibly will have some broad state connections.

The Milwaukee LGBT Center (http://www.mkelgbt.org/) also may be able to connect you with some resources. They don’t have TONS of trans focused programs, but they do have a really cool staff of people and a lot of resources.

Madison LGBT Center (http://www.lgbtoutreach.org/) I don’t have a lot of experience with these folks, but what I do know about them is pretty positive. They have a lot of programs and resources including a Gender Wellness program (http://genderwellness.lgbtoutreach.org/)

You can also check out UW Madison’s LGBT services (http://lgbt.wisc.edu/) sometimes they are plugged in, especially because they may have students or staff from other areas of the state. UPDATE: I’ve been told that most UW campuses have resources, so if you are near any of them (there are lots) you can check that out.

Integrity/Dignity Madison based LGBTQ Faith org (http://www.idmadison.org/)

Good Luck! Hang in there, friend. I am sending love and good vibes your way.

<3 JAC

I was just very pleasantly surprised by a fellow human being. This evening I was very suddenly tossed into a resources search for a local community member in need. I called the local YWCA hotline, but honestly was not expecting much. I started to describe what I was looking for and dropped the word “transgender.” The operator gave a long pause, “Can you say all that again?” I repeated my statement, a little slower this time.  She paused again and, to my amazement, she was able to give me an answer, instead of another question.

I could hear the operator flipping through pages of her referral manual. She said to herself, ”I’m just not findin’ what I’m looking for. Seems like there should be something for that ‘cause everybody deserves help, no matter what they’re like.”

Her language was all wrong, but her warmth and willingness to help was everything that is right about humanity. I am so grateful for the moments when we, the trans* community, are reminded that we are not alone. 

I’m extra excited to facilitate the queer youth group today: Our topic is Healthy Relationships - super important!

Members the Swedish government who had been a primary obstacle to ending the policy of forced sterilizations have announced that they’ll be supporting a ban on the practice. Activists are pushing for reform as soon as possible. 

To be honest, the most prominent reaction I have to this girl scout cookie situaiton is seriously craving some samoas. If you talk about girl scout cookies, people will want to eat girl scout cookies… transy, genderfucked, society destroying girl scout cookies.

If there was a representative trans cookie, I bet it would be the samoas; of all the cookies, they have the most flair. 

“The exploding use of tranny in mainstream isn’t a coincidence, it is society trying to deal with our communities’ push for rights and recognition. Petty pop culture is politics dripping down into the masses of mainstream, and that is why it is so dangerous…”

fun music video!

via femmeftm:

Anonymous asked: I recently met someone at my school's Gay/Straight Alliance. I identified as a straight female before we started flirting so I thought this person was a straight male. After a week I found out that this person identified as genderqueer and has female genitals. They understood why I no longer wanted to continue the relationship, but I feel like I strung them along. Is it my fault for not specifically asking them what they identify as? Is it ok to ask in these situations? Is it ever ok to ask?

This is such an important question! It sounds like you did all the right things when you found out this person wasn’t the right match for you. It’s not your fault that you didn’t ask; you’d never been in this situation before so you didn’t realize it was needed. We have been raised in a culture where we aren’t taught to recognize gender non-conformity and gender variance. You saw the person through the eyes of someone who wasn’t familiar with genderqueer, not on purpose, but because it was all you knew. What is important is that you are being honest, responsible, and trying to learn. That’s the key! And since the other person is ok with it, I encourage you to feel ok with it too.

There are a lot of reasons why someone may want to know someone else’s identity – the big two are looking for people like ourselves or because we may want to date them. If this is your situation, it is ok to want to know and there are ways to ask without seeming nosy or being rude. Some people don’t mind if you ask directly, but some people do – especially if the person is new to coming out. That is why I usually suggest that, rather than asking directly, waiting until the person decides to share their information with you. That said, there are ways to grease the wheels and open the conversation. This sounds like fishing, but you can be sure it is not as long as you keep the intention of getting to know the person, versus figuring out ‘what they are.’ When you get to know someone as a person, then the understanding and recognition of their identity will come too. Before asking sensitive questions, it is important to be in a space where it is safe to share, like the GSA or somewhere private. Then, a good place to start is asking for someone’s pronoun. This doesn’t have to be a big deal; you can do it when you first meet someone: “Hi, what’s your name? What pronoun do you prefer?” Or you can ask later: “I’m sorry; I never got to ask for your pronoun. Can you tell me?” The pronoun question isn’t necessarily going to tell you how someone identifies, but it is a good start to respecting their identity. Since we can never expect to learn everything about someone in the first couple conversations, you may not know how someone identifies for a little while. If this is someone who you may be interested in dating, you may want to know sooner than later. That’s totally understandable, and it may be best to ask directly. When doing this, you’ll want to avoid two things 1) making people feel outcast or othered (“What are you?”) and 2) making assumptions (“Are you INSERT INDETITY HERE?”). Instead, make it casual and supportive. Everyone has an identity, no biggie. You can ask “By the way, do you identify?” in a friendly way and then return the favor by saying “Ah, that’s cool, I identify as this….”

We are all constantly learning about each other and from each other. You sound like a sensitive and kind person, so I am sure that whatever situation you are in, you will do just fine. Don’t ever beat yourself up for not knowing something, instead, keep doing what you’re doing right now, reaching out for help so you can learn. That is awesome! Good luck!

Anonymous asked: Are you biologically male or female?

Welp, in order for me to answer this question we first need to figure out exactly what it means to be biologically male or female. Is it bodily sex characteristics, and if so, then is that primary (genitalia), or secondary (muscle distribution, body hair, etc)? Is it chromosomal make up or hormone levels? What about mental/psychological identities? All of the above are biological elements that impact how we identify a body. We have concepts of what is male and female, but there are also intersex spectrums of sexes and trans* spectrums of sexes that go within, between, and beyond the binary. One may argue that we all start as something, and that is our “biological sex” and everything else is an alteration (which can’t be applied to intersex spectrums but could be applied to trans*). But if sex includes the mind, well, we only have one of those and it never starts or stops anywhere. Is biological sex defined by the body or the brain? I feel one can’t go without the other.

You may be thinking “this is wishy-washy, non-essentialist crap.” I’m not trying to skew reality so it is defined in a way that suits me. Rather, I am pushing against the constructs humans have created to define reality. Biological sex, and identifying bodies, is a cultural practice based off of a learned binary language. We are raised to label certain traits as certain sexes by default; ABC equals female, EFG equals male – this is a cultural construct of sex. Where did we get the idea that there are only two when we know there are not only two? Binary sexed bodies may be the majority, but the majority is not the entirety, and that is where language and labeling fails. If a female has a penis, is her body a female body or a male body? She is a female, so it must be a female body – and since identities are mental, and therefore biological, she must be biologically female, right? If someone identifies as non-binary and their body is culturally labeled to be female, then they take medical steps to obtain more culturally recognized male features via taking testosterone or having is that body a female body or a male body? Is it either one? We have no labeling system to discuss this. Societal constructs about bodies and scientific labeling does have (very practical) uses, but that isn’t all there is. Humans own different kinds of biological bodies. A body could be male, female, both, or neither.

So which am I? Well, I could be anything. Whatever I am, the concept of being either male or female does not apply. For more explanation on this answer, you can visit this post. Thanks for writing!

Anonymous asked: Hi there - wondering if you have ever written on the subject of folks using the term tranny for self identification, or if you would care to share some thoughts on the subject. The topic was recently brought up in the femmeftm tumblr, regarding trans men reclaiming the word tranny, which has typically been used as a slur against trans women.

Ah yes, I watched that thread unfold. I haven’t written a full blog on the subject. Last year, when “An Open Letter to Kate Bornstein” was published, I wrote several drafts but I never finished them mostly because, at the time, I could never fully get my own language to where I wanted it. Let’s see how I do with it here.

It is definitely a tricky situation. I strongly believe that we must recognize the history of language, how and why it came into being, and how it has and continues to affect our (trans*) people. That said, I think it is equally important to recognize the growth of language through the evolution of communities. Queer is a word that has been used in violence against us for decades, but because we took it back, reclaiming it, it has become one of the most powerful, and inclusive, words we have. While I don’t feel that tranny has made it to a point where it can be used so universally (like Tranny Theory or the Tranny Community) I do think that it can be, and is, a similar progression of language. Where this word is today, and where it will go, is still up for debate. 

Historically, the word has been used specifically as slur against transwomen and otherwise identified MAAB folks; in the past, transwomen where the only spectrum of trans the general public knew existed. Now days, people know there are many types of trans* folks, and while the most common slurred usage the word is targeting transwomen, it is and can be used against all members of the trans* spectrum. Since transwomen are not the only ones being affected by this word, one could argue that it makes sense for all trans* folks to be able to reclaim it. I am not a transwoman, and historically this word has not been used against someone of my experience. I can not and will not claim that history. But I don’t live in history, I live in the present and in my life, this word has been used against me many, many times. The first time it happened, it really hurt and for a long time I was ardently opposed to ever hearing it in any context. But then I met some folks who used it as a self identifier; they took empowerment from it and made it sound strong and warm. I actually started to feel proud to be a trannyboy and found that, similar to queer, if I owned the word myself, it would be harder for someone to use it to hurt me. That doesn’t mean it still doesn’t have the potential to upset me if it is used in violence, but in general the word conceptually fine by me. But at the same time, I never stop being aware of its history and impact on my community as a whole, namely transwomen/MAAB folks. So while I may mentally be able to align the word with myself, I rarely say it or use it. I don’t want someone to hear me say it and get upset, or someone to hear me use it and think it is ok without further education on what it means and why I am using it. I think that is the real danger in tranny – mis-education that can lead to oppression – examples seen in shows like GLEE and people like Katy Perry. I don’t think of tranny just as a ‘slur’ – I see it as a weapon to be taken or used. It is an identity (or a reference to an identity) that is disenfranchised, belittled, and oppressed and so it should not be referenced frivolously. At this moment in history, if this word is to be used I do not think it can be anything other than a community word, meaning that if you aren’t trans* identified, you shouldn’t be using it (except when someone specifically asks to be referred to as a tranny). When I teach, that is the general suggestion I make because it is the safest, most inclusive, and most respectful. I even suggest that trans* people not use it to describe someone unless they know for a fact that someone is ok with it. That may sound strict, or even hypocritical, but as a tranny I reserve the right to say someone can’t call me a tranny even if I call myself a tranny and even if they call themselves a tranny. I can make light of my identity through this word, or I can empower it, I can joke about it, or I can intensify it – that is my prerogative. Tranny was thrown at me; I caught it, now I can wear it if I want. But if we expect someone to respect one’s right to own tranny, we must respect that this word can and does upset and oppress people. We must recognize the history of tranny, and where it is usually directed (transwomen/MAAB spectrum) and respect the impacts it has had/continues to have. We must try to be sensitive to others while continuing to empower ourselves. There aren’t a lot of privileges that come with being trans*, but I think the right to reclaim or reject may be one of them. How our community will negotiate that will be a long, complicated road.

Anonymous asked: I'm really sorry if this comes off the wrong way, but were you born male or female? I know that you advertise as genderqueer, but I just wanted to know.

In this space of (internet) learning, I’m not offended by your question so don’t worry about it coming off wrong. Actually, I’m asked this frequently, and I like to answer it with another question: What drives us to want to know? Sometimes we ask because we want to find people who are similar to ourselves, but most of the time we ask out of curiosity or confusion. I understand both the confusion and the curiosity; I’m not immune to feeling it either. When I do feel it, I remind myself that my desire to know (outside seeking to connect with other trans* people) is not just a harmless curiosity, but a learned practice of oppression. I don’t shame myself for wondering; humans feel the need to label things because it helps us learn about the world, but our methods of identification/labeling system were designed to ignore difference. We are all taught to categorize people as something society recognizes, and when we run into someone who doesn’t fit, we may feel puzzled, frustrated, or uncomfortable. To alleviate this, we try to squeeze that person into whatever normalized label is closest – that is when this (unintentional) oppression takes place. I think that instead of forcing the world into old ideas, we need to force new ideas into the world. We must pry open our brains to create a new understanding of humanity and learn to be ok with not knowing exactly what someone was, is, or might become.

That was my long answer, but to re-cap in short: Sometimes I think I can do more to promote an understanding about gender variance by not answering questions about my own. This way, instead of explaining me within the boundaries of old ideas, it makes people create a way to explain me with new ones. :) 

transtheorist asked: What do you think about "gender as performance"? I find it really questionable. Performance implies an audience which yes there is one but there are many aspects of my gender that are just for me. And how do you perform man or woman, this theory seems to imply there is one, or one main way to perform these genders recognizably. And what if you're a butch woman or a femme boy for instance, how do you perform that and still be recognizes as a man or woman. How does one perform as non-binary?

This is an awesome question, so awesome that I turned it into a blog! 

My short answer (that is just for you!): Before saying anything, I want to put it out there that I have some strong feelings about this topic. To be nice, I feel that gender performance theories are outdated and over-simplified. To be honest, I call bullshit. As a gender variant person, I have never been able to get over my aggression towards gender performance theory. According to its ideas, gender is chosen - meaning I chose to be trans, I chose to be femme, I chose to be genderqueer, and I also can choose to not be these things. I don’t see how any gender variant person can not be insulted by that. I’ll own it: I have baggage. When I was coming out, the closest thing I had to a queer resource was the Women’s Studies department. When I got there, faculty, students, books, films, you name it, they all repeatedly told me that I was just performing, and if I wanted to, I could do it differently. To someone who (up until that point) had no exposure to queer or trans stuff and was feeling confused, isolated, and angry… it was excruciating. I was looking for community support, and all I got was an isolating fight. Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of love for Women’s Studies (or whatever the depts. are called now days), but part of me will never forgive “Women’s Studies” or gender theory for putting me through that.

“Gender as performance” was one of the women’s empowerment movement’s moves to legitimize gender difference and subversiveness, primarily referencing expression but at the time, gender expression and gender identity were thought to be the same thing, There is no ‘just for me’ part and that is the main problem with the theory. There is no identity element, just a choice of masculine or fememine never even considering the possibility of non-binary. But off paper, how do we choose what traits we want? We figure out what feels right based on our identity and work from that. If our decisions about presentation (or “performance”) are based out of some internal drive to express ourselves, is it really a choice? And if we put on clothes that are not expressive of what we feel we are, does that change who we are? If someone is non-binary and puts on a dress – is that person not expressing their gender identity because their identity is non-binary but a dress is gendered? That dress becomes what the person wearing it wants it to be. It’s all about how we conceptualize it – and that requires a smashing of cultural assignments. In the workshop you were in last month, I went on and on about how gender is the key to societal recognition. If you are a femme boy or butch woman, you can not be recognized by society as anything but “other” without challenging gendered society itself. That, I think, was part of the original argument of gender perfomancists – they didn’t want to be defined by presentation and wanted to challenge gendered society. The problem is that people took it too far, enabling it to delegitimize every form of gender expression and identity. A perfect example of this is found in the Femme community. Femme-phobia comes from gender performance theory; If you are choosing to be feminine (in theory terms, perform femininity) then you are supporting the patriarchy that sexualizes women as beauty objects and selling out. There is no option for someone to like being feminine for the sake of enjoying femininity. This would lead one to believe that femininity is bad and that a woman can not be feminine for her own pleasure. Also, gender performance theories are at the root of second wave feminism’s rampant transphobia – we are imposters because we decided to be trans out of weakness, perversion, or cause we’re just plain evil, cause that’s what a theory for equality should do. It is arguments like these that lead me to believe gender performance theorists were delusional.

How does someone “perform” non-binary? I think a person has to be on a stage to do perform it. You may think of some expressive traits more deliberately than others, but all are defined by a personal element that disallows it to be a performance in how gender performance theory intended. Non-binary in real life is, like any other gender expression that is based on an identity; there is no one way, and no wrong way, to do it.

I ramble much more thoroughly on this here on my blog. But don’t let those theories get you down! Life is much more complicated than any book or paper can ever capsulate. You can do right by your own life by living it for the sake of learning who you are, not who other people think you should be.

Originally posted on Putting the END in GENDER.

via genderfork:

[image: male/masculine presenting person with sunglasses and short shaggy hair standing in green grass near a street with cars. They are dressed in a black business suit, white shirt, and dark tie. The pants are rolled up to their knees and they are wearing black high heel shoes. They are holding a sign that reads “End Gender Violence”]